Positivity for Pessimists

People move toward positivity, plain and simple. Everyone likes a positive person, someone who is upbeat and cheerful, who rolls with the punches, and has a can-do attitude. So, what if you aren’t that type of person? Are you doomed to walk the streets alone, to spend your life as a solitary, cut off from the enjoyment of meaningful relationships?

I used to think that positive people were obnoxious. Think Legally Blonde: I was the stuck up, grey law school girl looking down my nose at the pink, bubbly chick getting it done. So when I started reading all of the evidence indicating positive people have a longer health span, are healthier in general, and are more productive I had to overcome my own dour disposition and admit that not all positive people are fake, silly, or stupid. Maybe, if this positivity thing has so many perks, I might even like to (gulp) become one of the happy people.

Is positivity something a person just has a talent for or can it be learned? I can tell you from experience that positivity can be learned. Even the most cynical person can learn to be positive with the right amount of effort. Here’s how you start: Continue reading “Positivity for Pessimists”

Don’t Watch Bambi on Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and a digital detox day for me. We did brunch at home, shopped for planter supplies, and planted a few flowers in the morning. In the afternoon we settled in to watch some movies and rest. In paging through our available kid-friendly movie selection, we ran across Bambi. I said, “Hey, we haven’t seen this one for awhile, want to watch it?” My little agreed, so we settled in.

It didn’t take long for her to ask, “Is this where he loses his mother?” A question that would be repeated several times throughout the movie.

What mother hasn’t contemplated what her child’s life would be like without her? Isn’t it this thought that keeps us from running off to a tropical island on days we’ve had enough? Kids make us show up. Especially little kids. They make us be present. Because what if I wasn’t there one day? How would that affect her? Continue reading “Don’t Watch Bambi on Mother’s Day”

Wait For It…

Often, we want to rush success. Whether it’s a business goal, weight loss number, or fitness benchmark, the end result is all that seems to matter. Eye on the prize and all that. And yeah, the goal is important. When we think back, however, often we realize that the journey is what taught us the lessons and was the most enjoyable part. Compared to the journey, the goal is a bit of a letdown.

We hear it all the time, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” I think this rings true in wellness. There really isn’t an end goal where wellness is concerned. It really is all journey, with little benches along the path to sit and reflect on how far you’ve come and where you’re going.

Continue reading “Wait For It…”

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

We all have a story we have written about how our lives are going so far. We have dialog and drama, all of the necessary pieces for a decent feature-length film. The thing is, would you want to watch it? If you did watch your film, would you recognize yourself? How much of it is true and how much of it are embellishments added for drama?

Your story is your perception. It’s how you see the world from your point of view. Your inner voice is the creator and narrator of your story. She guides you through decision making and problem-solving and decides how you feel about things. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to listen to the negative side of this inner voice, our inner Mean Girl (as Melissa Ambrosini calls it). If you let her take over, your perception will suffer. This leads to limiting beliefs, poor choices, and unempowered attitudes.

If your story is that your life is fantastic, even if you don’t have the best of everything, your life will be fantastic. If your story is that your life sucks, even if you have the best of everything, your life will suck. Simple as that.

Change your story, change your life.

Continue reading “Change Your Story, Change Your Life”

Your Ego is Not Your Amigo

When was the last time you invited someone to point out your flaws? I mean, when have you showed someone your hard work and asked them to tear it apart? Honestly, without hoping they wouldn’t be too harsh. Maybe the bigger question is, why would you do such a thing?

Carol Dweck talks about Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset in several of her essays and her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Basically, those with a Fixed Mindset believe that innate ability or ingrown talent determines our success and that these features can’t be changed. A Growth Mindset, on the other hand, believes that our actions determine our success. So we can learn how to succeed. The Fixed Mindset judges situations. “I am such a terrible person,” “I am really bad at that,” or “This means I am better than her.” A Growth Mindset learns from a situation in order to constantly improve.

Remember my New Year’s intention about having a Child-like or Beginner’s Mind? Which mindset do you think that falls under? Continue reading “Your Ego is Not Your Amigo”

Retest by Doing

For the final step in our Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model we get off the bench and start doing. This is when we see if all of the work we have done up to this point has been effective. Keep in mind that doubt will always be there. It waits patiently for an opportunity to crash the party. If you have taken the time to cultivate the belief in yourself, your belief can crowd the doubt out.

The thing about doubt is that you will find no limit to its resources. Doubt has a big team and a bigger cheering squad. Once it gets in, you will find evidence of its truth everywhere. You will start to believe that you can’t. Doubt may have a bigger team, but belief is stronger. Read more from Monday’s post Do What Can’t be done

So get out there and follow your dream! Anytime you hear your inner voice try to talk you out of something, stop and evaluate that feeling. Is it keeping you safe or is it keeping you from achieving your dream? The answer may depend on how strong your Why is. If you start to justify your actions or come up with reasons not to do this thing, I’m guessing you have moved into Can’t Land and are hanging with Doubt.

Continue reading “Retest by Doing”

I Love Myself Most When…I Am True To Myself

In case you missed yesterday’s blog, here’s an excerpt:

When do you love yourself the most? I asked this question to several women all around the world over the last week. I was interested to hear what situations or circumstances inspired them to love themselves. Sometimes I was met with silence, other times with baffled looks…The answers I received to my questions can be categorized into three main groups. These are: I love myself most when I look great, when I am successful, or when I receive love from others. Read more…

After the blog published, I received answers from another category, which is, “I love myself most when I stay true to myself.” This is a great answer, and I think many people will agree that sticking to our own path despite attractive offers to join someone else’s journey is a great way to cultivate love for ourselves. Let’s explore this idea. Continue reading “I Love Myself Most When…I Am True To Myself”

I Love Myself Most When…I Am Successful

In case you missed the original blog, here’s an excerpt:

When do you love yourself the most? I asked this question to several women all around the world over the last week. I was interested to hear what situations or circumstances inspired them to love themselves. Sometimes I was met with silence, other times with baffled looks…The answers I received to my questions can be categorized into three main groups. These are: I love myself most when I look great, when I am successful, or when I receive love from others. Read more…

After the blog published, I received answers from another category, which is, “I love myself most when I stay true to myself.” This is a great answer, and I think many people will agree that sticking to our own path despite attractive offers to join someone else’s journey is a great way to cultivate love for ourselves. I added this category to my list and we’ll talk more about it later this week.

One of the most frequent answers I received when I asked the first time was, “I love myself most when I am successful.” I mean, who doesn’t? Continue reading “I Love Myself Most When…I Am Successful”

A Study in Self-Care

Today finds me semi-incapacitated with a stomach virus. Sickness doesn’t happen to me very often because I am fastidious about taking care of myself. I don’t let my reserves get depleted, so I always have enough to defend myself against invaders. Well, usually. Even my iron defenses couldn’t withstand whatever freakish bug my daughter brought home from school. So here I sit, thinking about self-care and how to better implement it. This is what I came up with.

When You’re Sick, Be Sick

When you’re sick, be sick. Allow yourself the time to recover from whatever you have. I understand that you have a job or kids to take care of and it is very difficult to take time out. This is where a change of mindset will help you. It is not polite to go to work if you are under the weather, but more than that you will recover faster and be more productive if you give yourself the time you need to heal.

Continue reading “A Study in Self-Care”

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