The Lost Art of Listening

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” -David W. Augsburger

Is genuinely listening to other people a dead art? Most people have a conversation based on what they think the other person is going to say next. The time when the other person is talking is a chance for most people to come up with what they are going to say next. We want everyone to think we’re so smart and witty. The worst is when we are caught with nothing to say. So we’re constantly thinking about our side of the conversation. The person we’re talking to is doing the same thing. Which results in a disconnection from what is actually being said.

People listen to reply, not to understand. This happens so often that when someone really hears us and replies thoughtfully to what we just said, it is shocking. And refreshing. And heartwarming. Suddenly, this person who just took the time to listen to what we said is our favorite person. We feel loved and valued. We’re interesting! To have an actual conversation…this is a skill that is all too rare. It’s like love at first sight

What if we could solve all the bad in the world merely by listening to each other? What kind of a beautiful world would it be if everyone felt heard? How many tragedies have happened all around the world because people are frustrated about being ignored? Who can’t relate to being lonely, misunderstood, heartbroken, left out? This may not be the ultimate secret to bring about world peace, but it certainly can’t hurt. How can we practice being better listeners in our families, our work, and our life? Continue reading “The Lost Art of Listening”

Retest by Doing

For the final step in our Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model we get off the bench and start doing. This is when we see if all of the work we have done up to this point has been effective. Keep in mind that doubt will always be there. It waits patiently for an opportunity to crash the party. If you have taken the time to cultivate the belief in yourself, your belief can crowd the doubt out.

The thing about doubt is that you will find no limit to its resources. Doubt has a big team and a bigger cheering squad. Once it gets in, you will find evidence of its truth everywhere. You will start to believe that you can’t. Doubt may have a bigger team, but belief is stronger. Read more from Monday’s post Do What Can’t be done

So get out there and follow your dream! Anytime you hear your inner voice try to talk you out of something, stop and evaluate that feeling. Is it keeping you safe or is it keeping you from achieving your dream? The answer may depend on how strong your Why is. If you start to justify your actions or come up with reasons not to do this thing, I’m guessing you have moved into Can’t Land and are hanging with Doubt.

Continue reading “Retest by Doing”

Nurture​ Belief in Yourself

While listening to positive people, reading motivational books, and chatting in encouraging Facebook groups is nice, ultimately you have to foster a positive belief in yourself. You have to write the good news. This is the second phase of the Replace step. Step one was to Surround Yourself With Positivity, which was outside influence. Now, replace your negative beliefs with positive ones, which is an inside job.

Belief is there inside you somewhere. It’s what gave you the idea to do this thing to begin with. Then doubt took over with its team of henchmen. Doubt may be big, and intimidating, and loud, but belief has a stronger work ethic. Belief can overcome doubt, but you have to let it. Continue reading “Nurture​ Belief in Yourself”

Surround Yourself With Positivity

In order to Do What Can’t Be Done, we use the classic Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model to change our mindset of doubt and negativity to one of belief and positivity. Yesterday we Removed the problem (Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel). Today we Replace it with positivity.

After removing a pathogen or problematic entity, it is advisable to replace it with something that will encourage health. This helps to take up space that would normally be prime real estate for other bad guys to move back in and cause more problems. Using this model for negative a mindset or lifestyle works in the same way. Once you remove doubt–which never really goes away, it is still lying under cover waiting for an opportunity to butt back in–you have to replace it with a positivity.

Continue reading “Surround Yourself With Positivity”

Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel

You hear you can’t, you think you can’t, you look for reasons why you can’t, what you look for you’ll find, repeat. This is the Doubt Hamster Wheel. It takes you nowhere and it’s hard to get off. In fact, in order to get off, you might have to fall. That is, give up everything you know right now and start over fresh.

This may hurt. It may involve changing jobs, ending relationships, giving up habits, or moving. I didn’t say it would be easy. This is the Remove step in our Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model. In order to change, you have to remove what isn’t working for you or what is holding you back. Sometimes that is merely a mindset, sometimes it is an entire lifestyle complete with other people, a house, and a job. Continue reading “Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel”

Do What Can’t be Done

When was the first time someone told you that you couldn’t do something? When you learned that you could put things in your mouth at six weeks old? What was your reaction? Well, you put the thing right back in your mouth. You didn’t have a sense that you couldn’t do something. What does that even mean?

Then we moved on to childhood when people are full of encouragement. We hear that we can do anything and that anything is possible. We get coached and positively reinforced to take our first steps or ride a bike. We hear “you can do it” quite often. No one accepts our excuses as to why we can’t do something. No one allows us to accept defeat. We honestly think we can do anything because we’ve never heard otherwise.

Except, by this time, we have heard that we shouldn’t put things in our mouths enough times that we sometimes comply. Continue reading “Do What Can’t be Done”

I Love Myself Most When…I Am True To Myself

In case you missed yesterday’s blog, here’s an excerpt:

When do you love yourself the most? I asked this question to several women all around the world over the last week. I was interested to hear what situations or circumstances inspired them to love themselves. Sometimes I was met with silence, other times with baffled looks…The answers I received to my questions can be categorized into three main groups. These are: I love myself most when I look great, when I am successful, or when I receive love from others. Read more…

After the blog published, I received answers from another category, which is, “I love myself most when I stay true to myself.” This is a great answer, and I think many people will agree that sticking to our own path despite attractive offers to join someone else’s journey is a great way to cultivate love for ourselves. Let’s explore this idea. Continue reading “I Love Myself Most When…I Am True To Myself”

I Love Myself Most When…I Am Loved By Others

In case you missed the original blog, here’s an excerpt:

When do you love yourself the most? I asked this question to several women all around the world over the last week. I was interested to hear what situations or circumstances inspired them to love themselves. Sometimes I was met with silence, other times with baffled looks…The answers I received to my questions can be categorized into three main groups. These are: I love myself most when I look great, when I am successful, or when I receive love from others. Read more…

After the blog published, I received answers from another category, which is, “I love myself most when I stay true to myself.” This is a great answer, and I think many people will agree that sticking to our own path despite attractive offers to join someone else’s journey is a great way to cultivate love for ourselves. I added this category to my list and we’ll talk more about it later this week.

Today we’re talking about gaining confidence and self-esteem from those around us. Continue reading “I Love Myself Most When…I Am Loved By Others”

I Love Myself Most When…I Am Successful

In case you missed the original blog, here’s an excerpt:

When do you love yourself the most? I asked this question to several women all around the world over the last week. I was interested to hear what situations or circumstances inspired them to love themselves. Sometimes I was met with silence, other times with baffled looks…The answers I received to my questions can be categorized into three main groups. These are: I love myself most when I look great, when I am successful, or when I receive love from others. Read more…

After the blog published, I received answers from another category, which is, “I love myself most when I stay true to myself.” This is a great answer, and I think many people will agree that sticking to our own path despite attractive offers to join someone else’s journey is a great way to cultivate love for ourselves. I added this category to my list and we’ll talk more about it later this week.

One of the most frequent answers I received when I asked the first time was, “I love myself most when I am successful.” I mean, who doesn’t? Continue reading “I Love Myself Most When…I Am Successful”

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