Wait For It…

Often, we want to rush success. Whether it’s a business goal, weight loss number, or fitness benchmark, the end result is all that seems to matter. Eye on the prize and all that. And yeah, the goal is important. When we think back, however, often we realize that the journey is what taught us the lessons and was the most enjoyable part. Compared to the journey, the goal is a bit of a letdown.

We hear it all the time, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” I think this rings true in wellness. There really isn’t an end goal where wellness is concerned. It really is all journey, with little benches along the path to sit and reflect on how far you’ve come and where you’re going.

Continue reading “Wait For It…”

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

We all have a story we have written about how our lives are going so far. We have dialog and drama, all of the necessary pieces for a decent feature-length film. The thing is, would you want to watch it? If you did watch your film, would you recognize yourself? How much of it is true and how much of it are embellishments added for drama?

Your story is your perception. It’s how you see the world from your point of view. Your inner voice is the creator and narrator of your story. She guides you through decision making and problem-solving and decides how you feel about things. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to listen to the negative side of this inner voice, our inner Mean Girl (as Melissa Ambrosini calls it). If you let her take over, your perception will suffer. This leads to limiting beliefs, poor choices, and unempowered attitudes.

If your story is that your life is fantastic, even if you don’t have the best of everything, your life will be fantastic. If your story is that your life sucks, even if you have the best of everything, your life will suck. Simple as that.

Change your story, change your life.

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Your Ego is Not Your Amigo

When was the last time you invited someone to point out your flaws? I mean, when have you showed someone your hard work and asked them to tear it apart? Honestly, without hoping they wouldn’t be too harsh. Maybe the bigger question is, why would you do such a thing?

Carol Dweck talks about Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset in several of her essays and her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Basically, those with a Fixed Mindset believe that innate ability or ingrown talent determines our success and that these features can’t be changed. A Growth Mindset, on the other hand, believes that our actions determine our success. So we can learn how to succeed. The Fixed Mindset judges situations. “I am such a terrible person,” “I am really bad at that,” or “This means I am better than her.” A Growth Mindset learns from a situation in order to constantly improve.

Remember my New Year’s intention about having a Child-like or Beginner’s Mind? Which mindset do you think that falls under? Continue reading “Your Ego is Not Your Amigo”

Self-care For Busy Parents

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to commit to a morning routine. How you start your day directly influences how the rest of your day goes. Start with a nourishing routine and see how grounded you are for the rest of the day. Start your day by pushing your snooze button until the last minute and then running around frazzled all morning and see how that day pans out. Get my drift?

A few days ago I read a post on my mentor’s Facebook group feed from a lovely lady who was trying her very best to nail down an uplifting morning routine. Her obstacle was, as it is for many of us, an early waking child. She was unable to get into a routine because her child would wake at 5:30 am. Kids, God love them, have a sixth sense about these sort of things. All you want is five minutes alone to meditate or do a sun salutation and there they are demanding breakfast. What is the solution? Get up even earlier? Give the kid an iPad and tell him to be quiet for half an hour? Take a no prisoners approach and get the morning routine done no matter what, even in the face of a bawling kid?

Life happens, let’s face it. Many of the self-care practices we “should” do every day take a certain amount of alone time. When you’re a working parent you don’t get a lot of that, at least not on your schedule. This means you have to make adjustments to your schedule.

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The Lost Art of Listening

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” -David W. Augsburger

Is genuinely listening to other people a dead art? Most people have a conversation based on what they think the other person is going to say next. The time when the other person is talking is a chance for most people to come up with what they are going to say next. We want everyone to think we’re so smart and witty. The worst is when we are caught with nothing to say. So we’re constantly thinking about our side of the conversation. The person we’re talking to is doing the same thing. Which results in a disconnection from what is actually being said.

People listen to reply, not to understand. This happens so often that when someone really hears us and replies thoughtfully to what we just said, it is shocking. And refreshing. And heartwarming. Suddenly, this person who just took the time to listen to what we said is our favorite person. We feel loved and valued. We’re interesting! To have an actual conversation…this is a skill that is all too rare. It’s like love at first sight

What if we could solve all the bad in the world merely by listening to each other? What kind of a beautiful world would it be if everyone felt heard? How many tragedies have happened all around the world because people are frustrated about being ignored? Who can’t relate to being lonely, misunderstood, heartbroken, left out? This may not be the ultimate secret to bring about world peace, but it certainly can’t hurt. How can we practice being better listeners in our families, our work, and our life? Continue reading “The Lost Art of Listening”

Retest by Doing

For the final step in our Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model we get off the bench and start doing. This is when we see if all of the work we have done up to this point has been effective. Keep in mind that doubt will always be there. It waits patiently for an opportunity to crash the party. If you have taken the time to cultivate the belief in yourself, your belief can crowd the doubt out.

The thing about doubt is that you will find no limit to its resources. Doubt has a big team and a bigger cheering squad. Once it gets in, you will find evidence of its truth everywhere. You will start to believe that you can’t. Doubt may have a bigger team, but belief is stronger. Read more from Monday’s post Do What Can’t be done

So get out there and follow your dream! Anytime you hear your inner voice try to talk you out of something, stop and evaluate that feeling. Is it keeping you safe or is it keeping you from achieving your dream? The answer may depend on how strong your Why is. If you start to justify your actions or come up with reasons not to do this thing, I’m guessing you have moved into Can’t Land and are hanging with Doubt.

Continue reading “Retest by Doing”

Nurture​ Belief in Yourself

While listening to positive people, reading motivational books, and chatting in encouraging Facebook groups is nice, ultimately you have to foster a positive belief in yourself. You have to write the good news. This is the second phase of the Replace step. Step one was to Surround Yourself With Positivity, which was outside influence. Now, replace your negative beliefs with positive ones, which is an inside job.

Belief is there inside you somewhere. It’s what gave you the idea to do this thing to begin with. Then doubt took over with its team of henchmen. Doubt may be big, and intimidating, and loud, but belief has a stronger work ethic. Belief can overcome doubt, but you have to let it. Continue reading “Nurture​ Belief in Yourself”

Surround Yourself With Positivity

In order to Do What Can’t Be Done, we use the classic Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model to change our mindset of doubt and negativity to one of belief and positivity. Yesterday we Removed the problem (Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel). Today we Replace it with positivity.

After removing a pathogen or problematic entity, it is advisable to replace it with something that will encourage health. This helps to take up space that would normally be prime real estate for other bad guys to move back in and cause more problems. Using this model for negative a mindset or lifestyle works in the same way. Once you remove doubt–which never really goes away, it is still lying under cover waiting for an opportunity to butt back in–you have to replace it with a positivity.

Continue reading “Surround Yourself With Positivity”

Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel

You hear you can’t, you think you can’t, you look for reasons why you can’t, what you look for you’ll find, repeat. This is the Doubt Hamster Wheel. It takes you nowhere and it’s hard to get off. In fact, in order to get off, you might have to fall. That is, give up everything you know right now and start over fresh.

This may hurt. It may involve changing jobs, ending relationships, giving up habits, or moving. I didn’t say it would be easy. This is the Remove step in our Remove, Replace, Retest, Repeat model. In order to change, you have to remove what isn’t working for you or what is holding you back. Sometimes that is merely a mindset, sometimes it is an entire lifestyle complete with other people, a house, and a job. Continue reading “Get Off the Doubt Hamster Wheel”

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